


Waves of Uncertainty

by Astronaut_Milky



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Biting, Crack Treated Seriously, Fae & Fairies, M/M, Sexual Tension, Smut, Supernatural Elements, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-01
Updated: 2018-03-01
Packaged: 2019-03-25 17:59:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13840041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Astronaut_Milky/pseuds/Astronaut_Milky
Summary: “I'm sorry, is there a right way to respond to finding out your co-worker is a vampire?”Rafael huffs out an exasperated breath. “If that's what you want to call it.”





	Waves of Uncertainty

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [Castle by Slum Sociable](https://youtu.be/-0WJRyceCjk)
> 
> Beta'd by barbaxcarisi, thank you xoxo
> 
> Hope you all enjoy

Sonny's waiting, pacing, struggling to push down the electric energy pulsing through his veins. He knows it was a risk coming here, waiting like this. Carmen warned him, both when she told him where to be, and through a text ten minutes beforehand.

 

_ He's in a mood. Tread lightly. _

 

Sonny scoffs thinking about it. When isn't Barba in a mood?

 

Still, he takes her words to heart. He doesn't want to screw this up.

 

Taking a deep breath, he stops the pacing, a poor attempt at calming his nerves. To distract himself, Sonny looks to the stars, barely visible beyond the smog and clouds.

 

Another deep breath.

 

Maybe this was a mistake.

 

“Carisi?” the surprised voice he's been waiting for sounds behind him.

 

He turns, less gracefully than he would have liked, showing just how excited he is to see Barba.

 

And  _ god,  _ he's excited to see Barba.

 

The man stands before him, all wide-eyed confusion yet easy charisma, a playful smirk spread across his lips.

 

Those lips.

 

Sonny has dreamt of those lips every night since he met Barba. The way they might kiss his own; the way they might track his chest and neck, marking him with his affections; the way they might whisper words of love, meant only for Sonny.

 

Those damn lips.

 

“Barba,” he greets, less cool than he would have liked.

 

“What are you doing here?” Any warmth Sonny may have seen in those emerald eyes has now been replaced, iced over with something akin to disgust or disdain.

 

This is why Sonny is here. To get to the bottom of the two different Barbas he knows.

 

There's the Barba that offers warm, intimate smiles. He is a kind comfort, a guide for Sonny's career, and someone Sonny can lose himself in.

 

Then there's the other Barba, the one that usually instantly replaces the former. He is cold, harsh, filled with insults and rolled eyes. He does not want to be near Sonny, he does not want to know Sonny.

 

Sonny wonders if there are other Barbas he doesn't know. 

 

Sonny wonders if only he receives the two different Barbas. 

 

Sonny needs to know.

 

“Well,” he draws out, glancing to the apartment building beside them. “I was hoping to talk with you. If you don't mind.”

 

Barba's eyes squint, piercing and probing. For a brief moment, he wonders if he's been too presumptuous. If perhaps he should have let it be. Barba's shoulders are tense, his eyebrows furrowed, and as he sucks in a deep breath through his nose, Sonny swears for a brief moment that his eyes flash golden.

 

_ A trick of the light,  _ his mind supplies.

 

“Do you drink scotch?” Barba asks, snapping him out of his thoughts.

 

Sonny smiles, and for a second Barba responds with a half-smile of his own. 

 

“If it's what you're offering, absolutely.” He didn't intend for it to sound so suggestive, but the golden glint in Rafael's eyes tells him that it's not a problem.

 

He's not sure where the night may go. But as Barba leads him through the foyer, into the elevator, he's sure it's going to change his life.

 

\--

 

The couch is comfortable, but it's not very large. In fact, the only way for the two of them to sit is with their knees bumping into each other slightly, which only increases the unnamed tension between them.

 

Sonny sips his drink. It burns slightly as it runs down his throat, a small pain, and he has a fleeting thought that perhaps this is who Rafael is for him. A source of warmth and pain. He shakes his head. They're colleagues, barely friends, and here he is, analyzing their relationship like they're together.

 

“So you wanted to talk,” Barba finally speaks, though he refuses to meet Sonny's eyes.

 

“Right… I was just --” he starts, unsure of how to continue, unsure of whether or not he can continue. “Do you like me?”

 

Instantly he considers smashing his glass over his head, or beating his skull against the coffee table, anything to knock some sense into him. Why did he have to word it in the most childish, petulant way?

 

“Do I  _ like _ you?” He can hear the amusement in Barba's voice, and he can feel an embarrassed flush creep up the back of his neck.

 

“Not like that,” he backtracks, although a voice in his head reminds him that he did mean like that. “Just… one second I feel like we're okay, we're getting along and everything is fine, and the next you're looking at me like I've grown three heads. Three disgusting heads.”

 

He's internally cringing even more now. There were so many ways he had planned on bringing this up, but under the pressure, under the knowing green eyes that he loves so much, with precious flecks of gold that Sonny constantly loses himself in, the words refuse to form eloquently.

 

“I do like you,” Barba confesses, and the relief is instant and wonderful. “Like that.”

 

His eyes are challenging, daring Sonny to back down, or to step up.

 

_ Like that. _

 

He  _ likes  _ Sonny.

 

Any query or line of questioning Sonny had, any discussion about why Barba sometimes treated Sonny like he had the plague, dissipates in a heartbeat. A pounding pulse, thumping and roaring in Sonny's ears.

 

Barba breathes in deeply through his nose as he leans in closely, his tongue darting out to trace an enticing line along his bottom lip. Sonny is captivated by the movement, by Barba's lips now wet and inviting.

 

“You do?”

 

As if to settle any of Sonny's doubts, Barba leans in and presses his lips to Sonny's own. The taste is alluring and intoxicating, a perfect combination of scotch and something sweet, like chocolate.

 

Sonny leans into the kiss instantly, gripping a hand on Barba's hip, digging his nails in through the fabric of his shirt.

 

He feels Barba breathe in again, as if soaking in Sonny's scent, and in one swift movement he lifts a leg over Sonny, straddling his lap. 

 

It's all moving so fast, Barba grinding down on him, his long fingers tangled in Sonny's hair, pulling just enough to send waves of pleasure through Sonny's veins.

 

With a final nip of Barba's bottom lip, Sonny leans back, pulling away to take in the sight before him.

 

Barba seems undone, wild. His hair is messy, a sheen of sweat coating his forehead, and his cheeks are deliciously pink and beautiful.

 

It's his eyes that have Sonny stopping for a moment. Perhaps it's another trick of the light, but he swears they're shining gold, with no traces of green to be seen.

 

Then Barba's lips are back on his own, and his tongue is running along his lip, desperate to explore Sonny's mouth, and any thoughts of golden eyes leave his thoughts.

 

In a sweeping moment of passion, and with a surprising amount of athleticism, Sonny lifts Barba off the couch and with a few long strides, holds him up against the wall, relishing in the legs wrapped around his hips. He grinds down, the friction almost unbearable as Barba's lips leave his own, kissing a path down his jaw to his neck.

 

Sonny feels a gentle scrape of Barba's teeth along his skin, and a surprising urge has him shivering.

 

“Bite me,” he whispers, well aware of how broken his voice sounds. “Do it.”

 

Barba groans but stills for a moment, burying his face into Sonny's neck.

 

He worries he's said the wrong thing, pushed too hard or taken it a step too far.

 

Then Barba takes in a deep breath, and his whole body shudders. Sonny feels his teeth scrape along his skin once again, sharper than expected but exactly what he wants. He wants Barba to dig his teeth in, to mark Sonny.

 

The air is thick as Sonny waits for the bite that he knows will have him moaning desperately, begging for Barba to continue.

 

Instead, Barba quickly removes himself from Sonny's vice grip, showing a level of agility that he wasn't expecting.

 

“Is everything alright?” he asks, embarrassed that he had been so presumptuous.

 

Barba won't meet his questioning gaze, instead he steps away from Sonny, his back turned.

 

“You need to leave.” His voice is deeper than usual, primal with want, and it only increases Sonny's confusion.

 

“Are you- I'm sorry, is everything alright-”

 

“Leave,” Barba orders, nearly a growl, whipping his head around to finally look at Sonny.

 

A rush of fear floods through his system.

 

As he silently leaves, backing away slowly, he commits the image of Barba to memory.

 

The cool night air stings, and the streets are quiet.

 

Sonny is left alone with one thought, the flash of Barba's final expression.

 

Bared, sharp teeth. Nostrils flared, heavy breathing. Bright, unnaturally golden eyes.

 

It doesn't make sense.

 

Sonny doesn't like when things don't make sense.

 

So Sonny promises to find out exactly what just happened.

 

\--

 

It's been months. Months of Barba avoiding his questioning gaze, cancelling his meetings with Sonny, walking literally in the other direction as Sonny approaches. Sure, he's cordial in a professional setting. But any time Sonny has tried to make contact outside of that, he gets nothing.

 

It's this rejection that has him drifting towards wanting a night out. A night to forget.

 

He's not sure if he wants to forget.

 

He's had his suspicions of what he saw that night, and they're all absolutely ridiculous. Some days he believes that Rafael Barba is not human. Other days he considers therapy for even slightly entertaining the possibility.

 

He's not sure what brings him to the club. He's never really been the type to enjoy the whole clubbing scene, but something about the pulsing music, the cheap alcohol, the grinding sweaty bodies… it all seems like the perfect way to forget.

 

Bright lights flash through the darkness to the beat of the techno music as Sonny pushes his way through the crowd to the bar.

 

He orders something fruity and filled with alcohol, something he knows will be dangerous yet delicious.

 

With his drink in hand, he turns to the crowd, scanning the room for a hot body to lose himself in. 

 

Tonight is about forgetting.

 

The universe has other plans.

 

He freezes, locked in a trance.

 

It can't be.

 

But of course, it is.

 

It's the hair he recognises first, more relaxed than he's ever seen it, but still undeniably Rafael's. 

 

He then notices his hands, although he wishes he hadn't. Those hands that once gripped his head, pulling their lips together, are now wrapped around another man's hips as Barba holds the man against him, grinding against him.

 

The other man presses his ass against Rafael's crotch, moving his hips in time with the music, leaning back against Rafael.

 

Sonny is overwhelmed with jealousy. It blinds him, controls him, as he steps towards Rafael.

 

The older man runs his nose along his lover's throat, and Sonny's heart aches to be the one Rafael is close to. He watches as Rafael sucks in a deep breath. He watches as Rafael's eyes open wide. He watches as Rafael's gaze lifts, and his eyes lock with Sonny's.

 

There it is.

 

Those golden orbs that Sonny has spent months obsessing over.

 

Rafael's mouth drops open in shock, though his eyes never leave or change. He whispers something into his partners ear before stepping away, never breaking the eye contact that has Sonny locked into place.

 

“Follow me,” he murmurs, just loud enough for Sonny to hear over the music, just quiet enough that Sonny instinctively has to lean in close to hear it.

 

He obeys the order, downing his drink as he follows Rafael through the club. He leaves the empty glass on a table, grateful for the surge in confidence the alcohol provides.

 

The night air is warm as they step into the side alley, Rafael clearly not wanting anyone to overhear the conversation. Sonny notices that Rafael is somewhat casually dressed compared to his usual outfits, having opted for light grey slacks and a lavender button-down. Still Rafael, yet much softer, relaxed.

 

“I'm assuming you've got something to say.” His voice was curt, biting, baiting Sonny to snap.

 

“Who was that guy?” That certainly wasn't how Sonny was going to start this conversation, but he still would like to know the answer.

 

“Does it matter?”

 

Rafael sounds so careless, so unbothered by Sonny's pain, that it cuts through him. He almost backs down. Almost.

 

“You know, I've spent the better part of three months wondering where I went wrong,” he snaps, gesturing wildly. “And here I am thinking maybe,  _ maybe,  _ it wasn't just about me. Maybe you just weren't ready for us.”

 

“Carisi, I--”

 

“And then I see you here,” he cuts in, unwilling to hear whatever reasoning Rafael is about to give. “With that  _ stranger. _ And I've realized it's not about me at all. It was never about me.”

 

He doesn't realize he's shouting until he finishes, and the world seems quieter. He can hear Rafael breathing heavily, his eyes wide with shock.

 

There's perhaps three seconds of doubt, where Sonny doesn't know what's about to happen. That is until Rafael is stepping forward, roughly grabbing the front of Sonny's henley and pushing him against the wall of the alley.

 

“What--” is all Sonny gets out before Rafael is kissing him, passionate and desperate. 

 

Sonny's hands find Rafael's ass, pulling his hips against his. The contact is warm and breathtaking, it's everything Sonny has wanted.

 

All his jealousy and theories have flown from his mind, replaced with the heat of Rafael's tongue in his mouth, his hands gripping Sonny's shirt.

 

A soft moan escapes Sonny's throat, and as if it brings them back to reality, Rafael pushes himself off of Sonny.

 

“Damn,” he breathes out, his eyes clenched shut.

 

Sonny reaches out, grabbing Rafael's hand. “Don't leave… don't let this end.”

 

It's on those words that Rafael opens his eyes -- golden, shining.

 

“We can't,” he whispers, pointed teeth flashing as his lips open.

 

Sonny tries to remain calm, even as the sight of Rafael looking so inhuman has his heart pounding. Perhaps Rafael can hear the rapid pace of his heartbeat, or sense it, because he shakes his head and pulls himself from Sonny's grasp.

 

“Are you…” Sonny starts, but isn't sure how to ask the question on the tip of his tongue. Saying it out loud will make it more real than anything has before this, and the possibilities terrify him.

 

“You aren't ready to know what I am,” Rafael grits out, turning his head away in shame.

 

Sonny lifts a hand to his jaw, bringing his face towards him. He schools his face to be relaxed and open, willing to listen.

 

“Try me.”

 

\--

 

“So the whole daylight thing clearly isn't true,” is the first thing Sonny says.

 

Rafael rolls his eyes and sips his scotch. The bar is loud, rowdy, a great way to cover-up the conversation they're having. It's not the type of conversation either wants another person to hear.

 

“Is that all you got from that?”

 

Sonny smirks, feeling a lot more confident with a beer in his hand. “I'm sorry, is there a right way to respond to finding out your co-worker is a vampire?”

 

Rafael huffs out an exasperated breath. “If that's what you want to call it.”

 

“Well, you drink human blood--”

 

“I  _ can  _ drink human blood, there's a difference.”

 

“Your eyes change colour, your teeth can sharpen, and you could  _ literally  _ kill me in a heartbeat. I've unfortunately watched a lot of films on the subject, and you fit the bill. Vampire.”

 

Sonny's grateful they're in a corner booth, tucked away from the rest of the bar.

 

He doesn't expect what Rafael does next.

 

The older man sighs, downs his scotch, then gives Sonny the most pitying, heartbreaking look imaginable.

 

“There's a reason… a reason I keep pushing you away.”

 

Sonny scoffs. “You mean other than being a vampire?”

 

He flinches at the word. “Yes. There's another reason.”

 

He sighs, glaring at the empty glass in his hands.

 

“Care to elaborate?”

 

Rafael sighs yet again, dramatic and drawn out.

 

“There are other… beings, such as myself out there.”

 

Another scoff from Sonny has Rafael rolling his eyes. “No shit, Sherlock.”

 

“There are others in the NYPD… in SVU.” That certainly grabs Sonny's attention. “Some of them don't even know they are what they are.”

 

There's something in Rafael's eyes, knowing and apologetic.

 

“What does that have to do with me?”

 

Rafael nods, as if he's understanding something. “Everything.”

 

While Rafael seems to understand, Sonny definitely doesn't.

 

“How so?”

 

“I could smell it the second we met,” he explains, gentle, like he might scare Sonny off. “In your blood. I wasn't sure if it could be true, but sure enough…”

 

He trails off, biting his bottom lip, worried and unsure.

 

“Barba, I don't understand--”

 

“You have Fae blood. In your veins. Probably some distant relative of yours, but it's there.” Sonny shakes his head.  _ Fae. _ “And the thing is--”

 

“Fae is fairy, right?” Rafael nods slightly, a confirmation. “Okay, it's one thing that you are… whatever you are. But what you're implying is ridiculous, and definitely not possible, so--”

 

“It's true,” Rafael presses earnestly. “I know because… because you smell like everything I've ever wanted. Every part of your scent is designed to lure me in.”

 

Scoffing seems to be the only thing Sonny can do at this point. 

 

“You're joking.” When Rafael does not burst out laughing, or confess that he is in fact messing with Sonny, he's left with only the possibility that Rafael is telling the truth. “You're not joking.”

 

“I'm not.” He sniffs the air slightly, before locking eyes with Sonny. They're golden again, though not as bright as before. “I wish I was, but I'm not.”

 

“So… so what's the problem?” The initial shock has worn off, and Sonny is surprised at just how easily he has accepted this.

 

Rafael breathes in deeply again, though now it seems to be an attempt at giving him strength. 

 

“You're dangerous,” he whispers.

 

Sonny can't take it anymore. He bursts out laughing, a little hysterical.  _ Dangerous. _

 

“I'm sorry, you're a super-being that I'm fairly certain is immortal--”

 

“Not immortal either.”

 

“Either way, once again, you could kill me in a heartbeat if you wanted to. How am I dangerous compared to that?”

 

“Your blood,” he starts, not meeting Sonny's eyes. The laughter has died, but the disbelief is still there. “Your blood is one of the few things that can kill me.”

 

It takes about ten seconds for what Rafael said to sink in, and another five seconds for his mind to work out a semi-decent response.

 

“Oh,” is what his mouth settles for.

 

“It tries to lure me in, every time I'm near you. So, of course I tried pushing you away, but apparently persistence is your defining personality trait.”

 

Sonny chuckles. “So I've been told.”

 

“I thought if I kept you at arm's length, I'd be protecting myself from… from what beckoned me. But then it wasn't just about your scent anymore…”

 

He still won't lift his head, won't let Sonny see all of him. So Sonny reaches out, tentatively placing a hand over Rafael's.

 

“What was it about?”

 

“You.” The honesty is clearly a struggle for Rafael, who bows his head lower. But then he's looking through his long lashes, finally meeting Sonny's eyes. Crystal green again, though the flecks of gold remind Sonny of Rafael's secret. A secret he is now a part of. “You started out as something to be feared. But then you somehow grew on me, and I found that as much as you were so wrong for me… you were so right for me.”

 

“I was?”

 

Rafael links their fingers together, and the warmth of his palm comforts him.

 

“You are.”

 

\--

 

Rafael is a stunning specimen, his skin illuminated by the lamp on Sonny's bedside table, bronze and captivating. Sonny can't help but run a hand along Rafael's thick thighs, both to enjoy the feel of his muscles tensing and flexing, but also to hold him in place.

 

“Is this okay?” he mumbles, trailing wet kisses across his stomach, crooking the two fingers he has inside him.

 

“Yes,” Rafael breathes out, sounding so perfect that Sonny has to look up. 

 

There's a flash of fear at the sight before him. He has seen glimpses of Rafael's other form, but this is constant and open. His teeth are bared, sharp and primal. A wanting flush is dusted across his cheeks, which reminds Sonny that he has his humanity still there, that he won't hurt Sonny.

 

“Are you okay?” Rafael asks, worried. He must have heard Sonny's heart race a little faster.

 

“Never better,” he truthfully replies, crawling and kissing up Rafael's body, letting his tongue swirl around one of the older man's nipples. The shuddered groan he elicits from Rafael has him biting down slightly, willing to do anything to keep Rafael hissing and gasping like this.

 

He finally reaches Rafael's face, letting his breath ghost over his lips.

 

“Are you ready for me?” he growls, pressing his fingers further inside to give Rafael a taste of what's to come.

 

There's a slight fear in Rafael's eyes, and Sonny can see that the emerald hue is shifting, as he fights to maintain control.

 

He nods though, and the stunning green is back. “Yes,  _ please.  _ I need you.”

 

It's still unbelievable to Sonny that after everything that has brought them to this point, Rafael wants him. Rafael, who could get any man or woman he wanted, wants Sonny. But more than that, it's unbelievable that Sonny is something to be feared. That there is a part of him, a part he didn't even know about, that is dangerous to Rafael. It makes this moment, their naked bodies intertwined as Sonny pushes into Rafael's tight heat, blinding him momentarily over how blissful and perfect it is… it makes this moment all the more important.

 

This is Rafael, trusting Sonny, letting him inside in more ways than the obvious.

 

When Sonny is flush inside Rafael, he pauses for a moment. He leans over him, letting their noses brush ever so slightly, the action somehow more intimate than anything else they've done.

 

“Are you with me, Raf?” he whispers, running a hand through Rafael's hair.

 

“I am, I--” his breath hitches as Sonny starts moving his hips, shallow and slow, a reminder that this is real and happening. “I'm here with you.”

 

That's all Sonny needs. He starts thrusting harder, relishing in the way Rafael arches his back, and digs his nails in. The way his lips quirk up slightly, how his eyes are clenched shut. He's beautiful, so perfect in his pleasure, that Sonny has to stop for a moment and bury his face into the crook of Rafael's neck, if anything to keep from finishing too early.

 

“Sonny,” Rafael grits out, moving his hips to try and spur him back into action. “I need you to fuck me,  _ please. _ ”

 

With an open kiss to Rafael's neck, Sonny moans and obliges, thrusting rougher now, deeper. He can feel Rafael's cock between their bodies, hard and dripping.

 

“Harder,” Rafael breathes out. “ _ Harder. _ ”

 

That's the only warning Sonny gets.

 

That's all he gets before Rafael is hooking his leg around Sonny's own and flipping them. And it's in that moment that Sonny is reminded of what Rafael is. He's agile, powerful. He's not human.

 

Instantly he's grinding on top of Sonny, taking him further and faster. His movements are ethereal, too perfectly timed and intricate to be human. All Sonny can do is gasp, wide-eyed, and soak in the sight and pleasure.

 

“Fuck, Raf,” he croaks out, lifting a hand to Rafael's face. “You're so--so beautiful.”

 

He runs his thumb over Rafael's lips, who instantly opens his mouth, swirling his tongue and sucking on it. 

 

Then his eyes open.

 

They're golden, shining.

 

Sonny feels the now-familiar scrape of sharp teeth running along his finger.

 

Rafael seems hungry, desperate. His hips move erratically, as he grips onto Sonny's wrist with both hands, digging his nails in, kissing and licking Sonny's hand.

 

It feels amazing, but Sonny still has some clarity.

 

“Raf,” he gasps out as he feels Rafael's teeth graze his wrist.

 

He's breathing in Sonny's scent heavily now, sucking on Sonny's wrist.

 

It's too much.

 

Sonny has to bring Rafael back to himself.

 

He quickly sits up, cupping Rafael's face with his hands, gentle as Rafael's hips slow down slightly.

 

“Hey,” he whispers. “Look at me.”

 

Rafael looks at him, circling his hips fluidly, but he doesn't see Sonny. His hands are still digging into Sonny's wrists, and the deep breath he takes tells Sonny that he's lost in how he must smell, how he wants to taste him.

 

“Raf, you need to look at me,” he hisses as Rafael bares his teeth, so unbelievably sharp, so close to piercing the pale skin of Sonny's wrist. “Look into my eyes.”

 

He sees the moment.

 

The moment that Rafael almost bites, almost gives in to the overwhelming craving that surges through his body.

 

Sonny knows he won't be able to stop Rafael if he does. Physically he's weaker, slower. 

 

He has a feeling, however. A gut feeling that perhaps he can bring Rafael back another way.

 

Rafael looks into his eyes, and he  _ sees  _ him. His eyes are still golden, but Sonny can see the slightest viridian hue creep in around his pupils.

 

“That's it,” he pants out as Rafael grinds faster, harder. Sonny wraps his hand around Rafael's cock, stroking him, ready for Rafael to mess him up. “That's it, see me.”

 

A bead of sweat runs down the side of Rafael's face, reaching Sonny's fingers still holding him. 

 

Rafael takes a deep breath through his nose, licking his lips, soaking in Sonny's scent.

 

His eyes flutter shut, Sonny thinks he might have lost Rafael. 

 

Then they are open.

 

His eyes are wide open, pure green.

 

Rafael drops his head, pressing their foreheads together, staring intently into Sonny's eyes.

 

“I see you,” he breathes out, moving wildly now, desperately trying to bring them both to a blissful climax. The position makes it difficult, but Sonny meets his movements with shallow thrusts, anything to make Rafael feel him.

 

He feels Rafael clench around him, more hot and tight than anything he's ever experienced. It's a warning, a sign Rafael is close.

 

Sonny strokes his thumb along his cheek, this time to capture a single tear that has fallen from Rafael's eyes. 

 

“Raf, I'm close.”

 

Their foreheads are still connected. It's this closeness that ensures Sonny hears Rafael's soft moan.

 

“ _ Sonny, _ ” he lets out as he comes.

 

The sound of his name on Rafael's lips, in such an untethered and desperate way, and the feeling of Rafael clenching tight as he spills his orgasm through Sonny's fingers, is what pushes him over the edge.

 

A few more shallow thrusts, with Rafael riding him through his ecstasy, and he's coming on a deep moan, losing himself in the perfect green of Rafael's eyes.

 

It's everything Sonny has ever wanted.

 

When they finally stop moving their bodies, Rafael buries his face into Sonny's neck, nuzzling slightly.

 

Sonny moves his arms around Rafael, holding him in place. Part of it is a comfort, a reward for not giving in. Part of it is to just have Rafael in his arms for a little while longer.

 

It hasn't been long enough when Rafael finally leaves Sonny's lap, collapsing on his back against the bed. Sonny lies down next to him, and the silence is stifling.

 

He's not sure what to say.

 

It was so perfect, so  _ real,  _ that he worries anything he says will kill whatever moment they had.

 

But Sonny has never been good at keeping silent, so he opens his mouth to speak, even though he still doesn't know what he will say.

 

“Maybe I can resist.” Rafael's voice is quiet, softer than Sonny has ever heard it.

 

His heart beats wildly.

 

Sure, Rafael was able to push through this time. But of course it's too much to expect him to do this every time.

 

This was clearly a one-time deal, a way to scratch the itch that had built between them.   
  
Perhaps it was just about the possibility of what they could be, and now that Rafael has finally had him, it wasn't enough. It wasn't what he wanted. Sonny wasn't what he wanted.

 

“That's okay.” Because it is. He can't expect Rafael to risk his life to be with him. There are things he still doesn't understand, things he has to learn about himself, but this is one thing he knows for certain. That being with him would be the ultimate risk for Rafael.

 

“You don't understand,” Rafael presses, rolling onto his side, propping himself on one elbow. He leans slightly over Sonny, meeting his gaze intently, never wavering. “I can resist what my body craves. I wasn't… I wasn't sure if I could. But I'm certain now.”

 

Sonny swallows thickly, watching as Rafael tracks the movement of his throat as he does. His eyes stay green, warm.

 

“What makes you so certain?”

 

Rafael huffs out a laugh. “If I tell you the truth, you'll think I'm being terribly corny.”

 

“Try me,” he hums on a smirk, reaching for Rafael's hand, linking their fingers together.

 

“My body craves your blood.” Sonny has to blink profusely to remind himself that the sentence is real, that this is an actual situation he is dealing with. He's not sure if he'll ever get used to it. “But… but my heart craves you. And I think my heart is stronger than my body.”

 

A comforting warmth washes through his body. A wave of affection for the man before him, open and honest, willing to take this risk to be with him.

 

“Your heart is a part of your body, so I don't know if that  _ really  _ makes sense,” he teases, earning himself a gravity-defying eye roll.

 

“Sonny, take the damn compliment,” Rafael snaps, though there is no snark or bite to his words. “I want you.”

 

At that, Sonny smiles wildly and lovingly. He lifts his hand to the back of Rafael's neck, pulling him close, relishing in how his eyes are so perfectly green.

 

“I want you too.”


End file.
